I’m finally forcing myself to sit down for a while after having some crazy busy last couple of weeks. The headache has been consistently horrible, and my right knee is killing me! I really shouldn’t have done half the crap I did lately, including going to Legoland with the kids, and going on that field trip with my son’s class. Ever since then my knee has been unusually sore, and my hip has been very painful as well, probably from the limping.
I have an extremely hard time sitting still though, because there’s always so much to do! I’m OCD about several things, and having a messy house or baskets full of laundry gives me anxiety! I still need to go grocery shopping, too, but I’m not feeling it today… I’ll have to though, because my fridge is almost empty!
I know when I stay busy I’ll have less time to dwell on the pain, regardless of how present it is. When my headache reaches an 8, instead of laying down, I usually get out of the house. I know that sounds strange, but for me that the best way to deal with it, because no matter what I do, my headache doesn’t just go away… If I lay down, I will feel it much more (without relief) than when I’m active and engaged in other activities.
I’m the type of person you’ll see at Starbucks, who has to speak up because I can’t raise my voice due to my pain being so severe, and who won’t smile, and I’ll look blushed, because my pain shows that way sometimes… I sincerely hope people don’t always perceive me as a bitch or a weirdo. I try to look cheerful when I can. That’s why I will rarely judge someone based on their demeanor (unless you’re a total bitch or asshole for real). I also often won’t take off my sunglasses to run inside somewhere for a short period of time. First off because I need glasses to see, and my sunglasses have Rx, but secondly the light is often too much for my head to handle, especially here in sunny California.
I envy people who rarely experience pain. I wish I remembered what that felt like. I haven’t felt -no pain at all- in over 19 years. Painkillers don’t work for me. I take some Ibuprofen occasionally to take off the edge, but that may or may not work. I’ve been on a Morphine IV before, while my head was pounding. I don’t know if I’ll ever find significant relief, and I’m just tired of looking. I’m just tired.