Ugh

It’s been over a week on this new medicine, and for over a week my headache has been significantly worse and I don’t know if it’s supposed to get worse before it gets better…

I emailed the neurologist. Hopefully she replies within the next couple of days.

New meds

I’ve been having a rough time the last 2-3 weeks. Besides just being my usual too busy, I’ve been dealing with one sinus infection after the other, and my headache has been brutal.

So I went to Keck Medical of USC in Los Angeles and was seen by one of their neurologists. I liked her. She was nice and didn’t act like a know-it-all. She prescribed me a new drug similar to some I’ve taken in the past, but different enough that it’s worth a try. It’s not an anti-depressant, so I’m willing to give it a shot. When I showed her my long list of meds I’ve tried in the past, she was very impressed, but at the same time discouraged, I’m sure! She also diagnosed me with Post-Concussion-Syndrome rather the NDPH (new daily persistent headaches) because she thinks the headache is still a result from my first major concussion 19 years ago, and not something out of the blue, unrelated. On top of the Rx, she advised me to take vitamin B2 and Magnesium, and she wants to give me Magnesium via an IV drip as well. Besides the meds, she prescribed me occupational, and physical therapy. The doc said I may notice improvement in 6 to 9 months. Unfortunately for me I have to drive to downtown Los Angeles for all of these appointments, but at this point I’m willing to do almost anything, so I’ll deal with the inconvenience of the horrible southern California traffic! (it’s appr. 65 miles one way) The stupidist part right now is that I have this damn knee surgery coming up in a couple of weeks which will prevent me from driving for who knows how long, but that’s just another hurdle to overcome I guess…

Last Friday I had a really bad headache day. At work it kept getting worse and worse, to the point were I was walking and talking slow. When 6 p.m. came around and my gps told me my eta to get home was 2 hours due to traffic, I decided to go to the mall to kill some time. I walked around (slowly) and didn’t do anything crazy, but noticed my headache getting even worse so I went to Starbucks, and ordered a sandwich and a latte, and sat outside at a little table. When I finished my food, I didn’t think I could move anymore. My headache had escalated to a point of me being scared to get up and walk. I was sitting there by myself, 45 miles from home at 7:45 p.m. I tried to just breath, to not panic. I was trying to keep my heart rate low. At one point I got up and walked to the bathroom before I walked to the car. Once I got to my car at around 8 p.m. I started it and realized I wouldn’t be able to drive. I turned off my car and I remembered my coworker who lives in the same city as I do, but doesn’t usually goes home right away after work either (to avoid traffic) so I text him to see if he’s still around. He text me back saying that he’s driving home. So I break down crying… of course he calls me right then to ask me what’s up. Through my tears I’m telling him I’m too scared to drive because my head hurts too much and he offers to turn around to come and get me. The guy is almost home, so of course I told him “No, I’m fine, I’ll be okay, don’t worry!” I should probably tell you the reason why I didn’t call my husband, is because I knew he was at the movie theater with the kids. So, at 8:20 p.m. I finally composed myself and started driving. I had told myself if I would feel unsafe, I would pull over. As soon as I had oncoming traffic the lights pierced through my eyes into my head, so I switched to my sunglasses even though it was pitch dark outside. That helped so much though! Once I got on the freeway I tried to stay in the same lane as long as I could so I didn’t have to move my head too much. It worked out and I made it home in less than 50 minutes. I was so relieved when I made it home! My headache is still not “back to normal” now, 3 days later, and I wonder if the new Rx medicine has something to do with it, but only time will tell I guess.

Wishes

My 7 year old daughter told me today that she wished she was me, so she could feel the pain, and I wouldn’t have to. I can’t tell you how sad and proud that made me feel at the same time.

I’m proud obviously that she has a kind heart and feels compassionate. I’m proud that she truly feels bad for me, knowing that she loves me that much. I’m sad though, too. Sad that she has to grow up with a mom who’s in pain all the time. I’m sad that she’s aware that I’m suffering. I’m sad that her outings are often limited to my abilities. I’m sad that she feels she had to adjust her excitement and think she can’t shriek of joy, because she doesn’t want to hurt my head. She has this amazing empathy for a little girl. I’m so glad that she cares.

I told her “Thank you for caring” and that I was proud of her. I also told her that mommy will be okay and I can handle it. I hugged her long and hard and made sure she realizes I love her more than she’ll ever know.

My wish is that one day my children don’t have to worry about causing mommy pain by being loud, by being kids. I wish one day I can walk with them as long and far as they want. I wish they can forget about all of this and live a carefree and amazing childhood!

It never ends

Since the kids are back in school, I took the opportunity to catch up on some overdue appointments with the dentist and my dermatologist.

Yesterday at the dentist I got the news I need to replace one of my old crowns with a new one, and today at the dermatologist I was told they need to do an extraction of a reappearing mole. I have very fair skin and I get (dark) moles often. I’ve had about 5 or 6 removed already, and every time the biopsy shows it being “atypical”, which means it could harvest precancerous cells. After the positive biopsy I usually have to return to the doctor to get the whole skin around the affected mole cut out and stitched back together. It’s a pain-in-the-ass procedure. I’ve had it done on my arm, my breast, my abdomen, and now I need to get it done on the back of my leg (on the part where you touch the toilet seat!). Of all the biopsy incisions I’ve had in the past this was by far the most horrible spot, because it wouldn’t heal! I got a rash from the bandaids as well, and I could barely sit on the toilet without extreme discomfort and burning pain on the little wound, for more than a month. Now, I need to get a bigger incision, and stitches, and there’s another little mole right by that one that they’ll have to send off for biopsy as well, which means I’ll have two wounds to worry about. I haven’t scheduled this mini-surgery yet, because I don’t know WHEN?? I’m having 2 more appointments with the dentist already to fit a new crown, I have a new neurology appointment at Keck Medicine of USC in Los Angeles in the week between the dentist appointments, and then I have to worry about my lab work and preparations ¬†for my upcoming knee surgery, and the arrival of my parents. As I mentioned in my previous blog post, we’re going to the beach for a weekend trip, and the last thing I want to be dealing with is stitches on my leg while I’m sitting on the sand!

This coming weekend we’re having friends from out of state visiting, and I’m coming down with something right now… I have a soar throat and a low fever. Tomorrow I have no time to rest either, since I’m volunteering at my kids’ school and I’ve offered to cook a dinner for the neighbors who just had a baby. I still have a ton of paperwork/bills to sort through so I can clean up the counter that’s a disaster right now. And on Friday before our friends arrive, I’m going to work for 8 hours, and I’ll drive 2 hours to get home in this Southern California traffic nightmare!

I don’t like my son’s new teacher, so I’m trying to decide if I should have him moved to a different one, or should I risk my son hating school for the rest of his life? I’ve talked to about 6 different people already, and I’m totally stressed out about this.

I’m so done. I can’t catch a break.