Excuses

You see it all the time, everywhere they sell workout gear “NO EXCUSES”.

Is pain an excuse? I’m not talking about the muscle aches, or the pain you feel from exhausting yourself while working out, but the pain you already endure before you even start doing anything at all. The pain that makes you want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over your head. The pain that only gets more intense with every increase of your heart rate. Is that a valid excuse? Sometimes I think maybe I should quit using that excuse, but then as soon as I do any physical activity, my headache reminds me of my damn “excuse”…

I need to lose weight, I really do. I feel that less pounds will help my knee feel better. I just don’t know how! I have cut soda already for a while, I don’t eat that much, and I cook fairly healthy almost ever day. I hate fast food! I am addicted to sugar though. I love it. I can work on that…

To all the chronic pain warriors out there: What have you done to lose weight, while being in pain 24/7? I need some guidance.

No getting used to

I hear it often “Oh you must be used to the headache… you must be used to the pain….”

NO. I. AM. NOT. I cannot get used to it. I have been trying to figure out how I can live like this? How is it possible to be in pain 24/7 for over 19 years?! I DON’T KNOW! It really baffles me… sometimes I think maybe it used to be less severe, but no, then I remember, it always sucked big time, and it still does. The pain doesn’t get easier to bear. It does feel familiar, but it isn’t like it’s the welcomed guest at the party!

I have been trying this new medication for over a month now, but it hasn’t made a difference. I should give it at least 6 weeks according to the neurologist, and I will, but it’s not looking promising. On Monday I’m going in to get a Magnesium IV drip. We’ll see how that goes…

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like without pain. It’s not something I remember, so it’s hard to phantom, and to be honest it scares me a bit. I don’t know why though. Maybe it’s because people in general tend to be scared of the unknown? It’s crazy thinking…  I know I’ll never experience life without pain, and that’s okay. I don’t want to be greedy… just one less pain will do. If it could only be this headache!