Lost Hope

The best thing that I did for myself, was letting go of hope. Hope was debilitating. Each time I hoped, I was disappointed. The disappointment sometimes would be so huge, that it would take months to get out of the hole I felt I landed in.

It’s a popular saying… “Don’t lose hope”, but I recommend the opposite when you’re dealing with chronic pain. Hope doesn’t do you any good when you’re constantly reminded that the pain is here to stay. Hope is an illusion that you will get better, while knowing in the back of your head that’s unlikely to ever happen.

When I quit hoping, I was able to accept, and move on with my life as is. I can now enjoy the time with my family without being consumed by this fairytale dream.

I still look for relief. I still receive treatment, because I’m too stubborn to just give up, but I’m realistic in my expectations. When a treatment doesn’t work now, I just move on to the next, without being hugely disappointed.

Losing hope saved my sanity.

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