Reflection

Reflecting back on this last year, I am in awe of all the changes our family endured and challenges we’ve overcome.
The kids are incredible. Their resilience and adaptability are inspiring. They wouldn’t have chosen the path we forced them on, yet they excelled at dealing with the consequences.
Both had an amazingly impressive report card this semester and they are thriving socially.
2023 was hard, but it made us stronger, and better, and more equipped to tackle the future, no matter what’s ahead.
I couldn’t be more proud of us.
Happy New Year 💫

That was my social media post for this final day of the year. Full of truth, yet very vague. The things I want to share with the “familiar” world.

I wish I could be real, but that would be so depressing. I always want to protect the feelings of those around me. I don’t want them to worry, and I don’t want to sound like a complainer, a downer. This blog is my sounding board, although even here I’m not saying as much as I should, if I would be totally real and honest. Why is it so hard to put misery into words? Is it because maybe I don’t want to admit certain things? Is it because I know for a fact that many people have it way worse, so I’m embarrassed to even consider my pain and inconveniences worthy of publication?

I will try to stay true to myself and write the things I’m experiencing, just so I have a record of it, for the future. To understand when something started, or which treatment was done when. It’s a good reference resource. Although, is that really what this outlet should be used for? Ugh, so many questions and no answers.

I got a new job!! I haven’t started it yet. I still need to give my 2-week notice. I’m excited, though. The other job was brain-melting. Seriously unchallenging and boring as fuck. I’m certain it can’t get any worse, although you just never know, right?!

My arm… tendonitis, tennis elbow, whatever they want to call it, is ridiculously painful. I’ve gone to physical therapy for 10 weeks or so, but it wasn’t getting any better, so the physical therapist recommended another orthopedic surgeon at Cedars Sinai. I went, got an MRI, and now I need to go back for the results and a treatment plan. The MRI shows a moderate tear, but I don’t know how to interpret that. We’ll see what the doctor says.

I’m gaining weight again. The holidays are terrible. I know it’s my own fault for eating so much crap, but it is so hard!!! 😭

My daughter was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease last summer, called Alopecia Areata, and she lost about half her hair in a couple of months. Luckily, we immediately went to the best dermatologist in Southern California, specialized in the treatment of Alopecia and one of the doctors involved in recent studies for oral medication. My daughter was able to start taking this medicine less than 6 weeks after discovering hair loss! Now, she’s already growing a ton of hair back! We’re really excited and hopeful for the future. This was by far one of the most stressful times we’ve dealt with as a family. We are so relieved to be back in the States when all this went down because in Mexico, this treatment isn’t an option yet.

Hopefully, 2024 will have fewer surprises for us and more exciting times!

I wish you all a safe end-of-year and a healthy, happy, and prosperous New Year ❤️

Bring it on

2023 promises to be a hectic year with lots of changes. In a little over a month, we’re moving back to California. We’re living a comfortable life here in Mexico, and we’ll return to the fast-paced, expensive life in the States. I’m trying to stay optimistic, I really am. I’m pumping myself up by browsing furniture stores online to decorate the house, and I keep telling myself it’s going to be great.

But I know I’ll have a few mental breakdowns along the way. I know my pain will dominate most of the time because the added stress will make the “normal” pain unbearable. I also know our daughter is going to be an emotional wreck. She’s going to challenge our patience every step of the way. I have to brace myself and find the right words in these times to not make the situation worse.

2022 was a good year. It was the first year in a very long time where I worked full-time from January until December. I never in a million years imagined I would be capable of doing that with the level of pain I deal with 24/7, but the biggest surprise was that I actually, truly, enjoyed it! I have grown so much over the last year. My confidence has risen, and my self-esteem has improved substantially. Even my husband’s coworkers were asking him the other day what was up with me? They were impressed with how I carried myself, dressed myself, and overall acted more confident. I have gained so much by losing weight. I’m still a few pounds from my goal, but I’ve started to buy clothes that fit me and make me feel beautiful. Something I never really cared about in the past. By allowing myself to feel beautiful, people actually think I am. It is a strange concept.

2022 has also taught me how capable I am. How I can learn fast and maintain focus. I will always be efficient, even when the system is the opposite way. I learned to accept that certain things will never change, and there will always be aspects that are out of my control. I have also taught my coworker to not kill themselves to do things immediately if it can be done tomorrow. The sentence “it’ll get done, eventually” is now ingrained into their minds because they were stressing too much! I know I will be missed, and I will miss them dearly as well! They are such an awesome team to work with.

For 2023, my biggest wish is to find a job near the house. I don’t want to commute! I’m hoping the work will be as rewarding and fun as my current one. I have applied for several openings so far, but I’m not holding my breath. We’ll see what happens.

I wish all of my readers a safe end-of-year celebration and an awesome New Year! 🎉