Reflection

Reflecting back on this last year, I am in awe of all the changes our family endured and challenges we’ve overcome.
The kids are incredible. Their resilience and adaptability are inspiring. They wouldn’t have chosen the path we forced them on, yet they excelled at dealing with the consequences.
Both had an amazingly impressive report card this semester and they are thriving socially.
2023 was hard, but it made us stronger, and better, and more equipped to tackle the future, no matter what’s ahead.
I couldn’t be more proud of us.
Happy New Year 💫

That was my social media post for this final day of the year. Full of truth, yet very vague. The things I want to share with the “familiar” world.

I wish I could be real, but that would be so depressing. I always want to protect the feelings of those around me. I don’t want them to worry, and I don’t want to sound like a complainer, a downer. This blog is my sounding board, although even here I’m not saying as much as I should, if I would be totally real and honest. Why is it so hard to put misery into words? Is it because maybe I don’t want to admit certain things? Is it because I know for a fact that many people have it way worse, so I’m embarrassed to even consider my pain and inconveniences worthy of publication?

I will try to stay true to myself and write the things I’m experiencing, just so I have a record of it, for the future. To understand when something started, or which treatment was done when. It’s a good reference resource. Although, is that really what this outlet should be used for? Ugh, so many questions and no answers.

I got a new job!! I haven’t started it yet. I still need to give my 2-week notice. I’m excited, though. The other job was brain-melting. Seriously unchallenging and boring as fuck. I’m certain it can’t get any worse, although you just never know, right?!

My arm… tendonitis, tennis elbow, whatever they want to call it, is ridiculously painful. I’ve gone to physical therapy for 10 weeks or so, but it wasn’t getting any better, so the physical therapist recommended another orthopedic surgeon at Cedars Sinai. I went, got an MRI, and now I need to go back for the results and a treatment plan. The MRI shows a moderate tear, but I don’t know how to interpret that. We’ll see what the doctor says.

I’m gaining weight again. The holidays are terrible. I know it’s my own fault for eating so much crap, but it is so hard!!! 😭

My daughter was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease last summer, called Alopecia Areata, and she lost about half her hair in a couple of months. Luckily, we immediately went to the best dermatologist in Southern California, specialized in the treatment of Alopecia and one of the doctors involved in recent studies for oral medication. My daughter was able to start taking this medicine less than 6 weeks after discovering hair loss! Now, she’s already growing a ton of hair back! We’re really excited and hopeful for the future. This was by far one of the most stressful times we’ve dealt with as a family. We are so relieved to be back in the States when all this went down because in Mexico, this treatment isn’t an option yet.

Hopefully, 2024 will have fewer surprises for us and more exciting times!

I wish you all a safe end-of-year and a healthy, happy, and prosperous New Year ❤️

8 thoughts on “Reflection

  1. I wish I could find some words of comfort for you. You bear a terrible burden and are trying to remain authentic throughout. I am in awe of that kind of resilience, that kind of persistence. You’ve reminded me of one of my favorite quotes from Albert Camus: “In the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer.” May 2024 be a year of better health for you and your family.

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  2. When I read the first version, I thought, “Wow, things have really come together for you!” and then I was relieved when I got to the second version. 😂 I keep telling myself that something in particular is causing my current awful condition – but there’s ALWAYS something, both stress and pain. Don’t know why I keep trying to figure it out. It just is. I’m not writing because it takes all my energy to get back and forth from the bathroom. Got an 8 pound rescue dog and she brings such joy! So good to connect with you. Good luck with your new job!

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  3. I found my way here from Alana’s blog. You absolutely have the right to feel your emotions and seek support. Even if other people seem to have it worse. I was diagnosed with cancer in November, and I think having chronic pain would be MUCH worse than what I am going through! We never know the specifics of others’ situations, and we are all deserving of love and support.

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    • Thank you for finding me and commenting on my blog. It means a lot.
      I remember when the accident first happened, almost 27 years ago, I had people tell me I was lucky I didn’t lose a leg (like the doctors initially intended), and all I could think was that I wished I did. I figured people would be way more understanding of my pain if they could SEE something was “wrong” with me. It’s difficult to explain suffering when you look totally “normal” without visible scars (when fully clothed).
      I’m sorry you’re dealing with cancer. I hope it’s treatable and you’re back to your old self in no time!
      Thank you for reading my blog.

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      • Yes! I have the same challenge–I don’t “look” like I have cancer. My hair hasn’t even thinned! Sometimes people assume I am more disabled than I am, and sometimes they forget that I do have symptoms (GI stuff and I get tired easily). And I’ve been mistaken for a staff member at the hospital, lol!

        P.S. My prognosis is excellent, btw. 😀 And I hope your health improves!

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